Understanding Human Needs in Trauma, Addiction & Relationships:

Certainty is the need for safety, stability, predictability, and comfort. It’s the assurance that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure. For those who’ve experienced trauma or chaos, certainty becomes a core emotional driver, often leading to rigid behaviors or an intolerance for change. 

Examples:

• A trauma survivor avoiding new relationships out of fear of getting hurt.
   
• A person with addiction clinging to routines to prevent relapse.
   
• Staying in unhealthy relationships because "at least I know what to expect."
   

Benefits:

• Builds a secure inner world that isn’t dependent on external control.
   
• Creates stability without sacrificing growth or change.
   
• Increases emotional resilience and stress tolerance.
   

CBT Skills Used:

• Thought Challenging: Identify and challenge “worst-case scenario” thinking.
   
• Grounding Techniques: Build internal safety through present-moment awareness.
   
• Routine Building: Develop healthy routines that support structure without rigidity.

While certainty gives comfort, we also crave novelty and change. Uncertainty (or variety) fulfills our need for excitement, challenge, and spontaneity. When unmet or mismanaged, individuals may seek chaos or risky behaviors to feel alive.

Examples:

• A recovering addict relapsing out of boredom.
   
• Starting conflict in a relationship just to feel something.
   
• Jumping from job to job, relationship to relationship.
   

Benefits:

• Encourages creativity and adaptability.
   
• Increases tolerance for healthy unpredictability.
   
• Helps shift from chaos-seeking to intentional living.
   

CBT Skills Used:

• Behavioral Experiments: Try safe, new experiences to build trust in uncertainty.
   
• Cognitive Flexibility: Learn to tolerate change without fear.
   
• Impulse Control Training: Practice delaying gratification with mindfulness tools.
   

Significance is the need to feel important, unique, and worthy. Trauma can distort self-worth, leading individuals to seek validation externally. When unhealthy, this need can drive perfectionism, people-pleasing, or harmful behavior for attention.

Examples:

• Seeking attention through drama, overachievement, or control.
   
• Feeling inferior in relationships or overly competitive.
   
• Defining worth by roles (e.g., caregiver, fixer, provider).
   

Benefits:

• Builds intrinsic self-worth not tied to others’ opinions.
   
• Increases confidence in healthy boundaries and decision-making.
   
• Helps shift focus from proving worth to being enough.
   

CBT Skills Used:

• Core Belief Work: Identify and reframe beliefs like “I’m not enough.”
   
• Self-Compassion Practice: Learn to validate and affirm self-worth.
   
• Identity Mapping: Redefine roles and values from the inside out.

We all need to feel deeply connected and loved. Trauma—especially relational trauma—can cause fear of intimacy, avoidance, or codependency. This need, if unmet, may lead to isolating or staying in unhealthy relationships just to avoid loneliness. 

Examples:

• Staying in abusive or emotionally distant relationships.
   
• Fear of abandonment or rejection causing control issues.
   
• Struggling with vulnerability and trust.
   

Benefits:

• Fosters safe, secure, and reciprocal relationships.
   
• Enhances emotional intelligence and communication.
   
• Builds capacity for both giving and receiving love.
   

CBT Skills Used:

• Attachment-Based Reframing: Understanding relationship patterns through an attachment lens.
   
• Communication Skills Training: Assertiveness, active listening, and expressing needs.
   
• Emotional Regulation Tools: Manage reactivity and fear in relationships.

Growth is the ongoing expansion of capability, emotional intelligence, and resilience. When stuck in trauma loops, individuals may fear growth because it disrupts their familiar identity. Growth challenges old narratives and requires discomfort for healing.

Examples:

• Avoiding therapy, self-reflection, or new responsibilities.
   
• Feeling like growth will lead to failure or rejection.
   
• Staying small to stay safe.
   

Benefits:

• Promotes long-term healing and emotional strength.
   
• Increases sense of purpose and direction.
   
• Strengthens adaptability and learning mindset.
   

CBT Skills Used:

• SMART Goal Setting: Break down personal growth into achievable goals.
   
• Values Clarification: Align behaviors with purpose.
   
• Cognitive Restructuring: Reframe growth as safe and empowering, not threatening.

Contribution is the desire to give beyond ourselves—to serve, help, and impact others. After healing, many survivors find meaning in giving back. When unhealthy, this need can turn into martyrdom or over-functioning as a way to earn love.

Examples:

• Taking care of everyone else while neglecting your own needs.
   
• Defining self-worth by what you can give or do.
   
• Burnout from chronic over-involvement.
   

Benefits:

• Builds purpose through meaningful action, not obligation.
   
• Helps integrate personal healing into community healing.
   
• Encourages healthy boundaries and reciprocal relationships.
   

CBT Skills Used:

• Boundary Setting Tools: Say “no” without guilt.
   
• Self-Care Planning: Ensure contribution isn’t self-neglect.
   
• Identity Integration: Balance personal needs with service to others.